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 -  You Surprised Me - 

I'm Afraid of You!

Are You disappointed
that I’m afraid of You?

In spite of Your incessant care,
after untold signs of Your love,
I still hesitate.
I hold back.

I fear surrendering to Your Love.
I’m afraid You’ll ask me too much.
I’m afraid You will want me
to let go of what I love,
of what I cherish most.

Will You ask me
to give up my dear ones?
Will You think I am too attached to them?
Do You want the sacrifice of my friends?
Do You plan to break my heart?

What about the things I have—
my house, my work, my money, my possessions?
You know what they mean to me;
some of them have cost me so much.

And then the precious intangible treasures—
popularity and fame, freedom and prestige;
and, yes, my health, my senses, my mind,
my strength, my memory, my dreams.....

Surrender is an easy word;
it really calls for a crucifixion.
How can You ask me to surrender?
You remind me that one day I’ll have to let go.
True—but death seems for away; far, far away.

You tell me You know my heart’s desires,
that only You can fill me as I dream.
Did my mother crush me when she held me?
Did my father let me fall when I jumped into his arms?

I ought to know
that You are father and mother;
that Your tender care far exceeds all human love.
But I still hesitate; I fear.
I’m afraid of the unknown.

Hold me tenderly and speak to my heart.
Show me where I will find rest.
A part of me knows
that what I call loss is supreme gain;
that my apparent freedom is slavery.
My gain and my loss
are the opposite of what selfish fear tells me.
And yet, I am afraid.

Does a child in the womb
fear being born?
Would it be mercy to keep it forever in the womb?
No, it was conceived to be born,
to face a new world, and grow.

Hold me, then, as I move forward in trust,
as I throw myself into Your arms.
Lead my frightened heart to the peace it seeks.
Let me delay no longer.
I trust;
I come;
I surrender.
I surrender my fear,
my clinging, my possessions—
all that I am, all that I’ll ever have.

Everything in me is Your gift to me;
let me not stop growing
by clinging to what I have.

Take me as I am, as I offer You myself
Whatever You do is the best I can have;
for You know my heart’s desires better than I do.

In Your hands is my life;
In Your heart lies my destiny.
Where would I be more secure?

* * *

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